Torn up

I'm torn up between two. How can I please both hearts? It's hurts everytime I try to please both. Can I be the selfish one for once?

Do they ever think about my feelings? I wonder..

In the end, I don’t know what I should do. End up stressed myself up. Think about it, it's my mistake for being too kind and too naive. That's what everyone else told me. But how not to kind to others when they are in need? It is wrong to be the good samaritan?

To whom should I seek for advice?

p/s: I like it better when i'm alone. Sometimes..

Reminder

I wonder how can u know everything, all the lies and yet you don't tell me? I'm worried bout you, bottling up all your feelings. It is not good for you. I wish you can just tell me your feelings, whether it's good or bad.

I would prefer you to show your feelings, open up your hearts a bit for me to see the true you. For now I've seen the good side of you but not your worse side. Let me see your worse side for once dear. Just once.  Let me accept your worse as I accept your good side.

Dear P,

I'm leaving you behind and I'm not ready to tell you I'm going away. Away from this relationship. I need to clear off my mind and think carefully bout this relationship. I thought you were different but guess I'm wrong. I'm not perfect and neither do you but I'm totally taken aback with what you've done. I'm sure you will find someone better than me. Don't worry..we were never in relationship from the beginning. Let's be friend will you?

Dear heart,

This is brain talking. Please be strong and not easily fall with someone's hearts.  For once, do listen to me. Be rationale and let go all the feelings you still have for your exes. They are not yours anymore. Move on from your past because they surely do. There's nothing there except for memories and pain. Your space is almost full with all the memories the pain the feelings. Do get rid of them. Start anew. I will always be there for you. Your friends will always be there for you. Don't feel like you alone cause you never alone. Be strong and keep beating. I'm so proud of you, beating strongly even after all the heartbreaks and tears.

p/s: counting days.. and I'm getting scared to leave this place.

Choices

One of my resolutions for 2014 is to improve in work and gain more experiences all that. Now, I'm being offered to transfer to Labuan, and be a service engineer who will be taking care 3 existing plant and incoming one more plant. I know the offer will be good for my future and experience but somehow I'm scared. I will not lie. I'm scared I cannot withstand the pressure and stresses and the most important, what if I can reach other's expectations? 

However, this decisions will help me to get out from my comfort zone, doing things I never expect I would do and help me to grow (I hope). Pray for the best and I hope this is the best decisions I've ever made. 

HATE

I hate the way you drive. Acting so careless and reckless. I hate it so much. Why do you have to drive that fast and reckless? I've told you a few times now that I hate the way you drive and yet you still doing it.

Hati terguris

Feel like my heart been stabbed by tiny tiny needles when I saw you're texting with another. Even we are not a couple, it's still hurt a bit. No.. I'm not going to lie. It is hurt.

But..life must go on. Just smile like there's nothing wrong. 

Feeling lazy to do anything today. I was thinking where the hell is my working mood. I'm supposed to work my ass and why the hell am I just sit around doing nothing.

My mind wandering around, thinking bout both of you..

p/s: I'm worried bout you.

Resolution 2014 Pt 1

7 days since 2014 started and I haven't made any resolution for this year yet. I know that it is quite lame to list out all the resolution since by mid year no one will bother with the resolution all that. But, here's are some of my resolution:-

1. Keep healthy (maybe lose some of the weight a bit) - most friends said that I look like gajah now than 3 years back. I blame the hormone and the food and the ex bf.
2. Give more to mom and family - now that I already working, it is time to give some of my pay to mom and family. After all, they did support me for more than 20 years. Maybe a trip to Aussie will be good for mom
3. Travel more - travel inside and outside Malaysia. Pulau Pangkor, P. Tioman, Korea, Bali, Singapore, and the list goes on and on.
4. Improved in work - gain more knowledge, experience, and not afraid to try something new.
5. Try to write at least one post in blog everyday. No use in bottled up your feelings.